How much do we actually have control over in life? If we pause to think about that, there’s very little that can’t be taken from us, that won’t wear down, or become obsolete. But… if there was something that we had control over… shouldn’t we be wise about how we use it?
00:00:00.280 – 00:00:03.140
Welcome to A Musing, I’m Diego.
00:00:11.065 – 00:00:14.205
Today’s episode, Two Things.
00:00:23.092 – 00:00:31.052
If we’re being completely honest with ourselves, there’s nothing in life that we can hold on to or control for very long.
00:00:32.152 – 00:00:43.472
You can work your butt off to buy some material possession, like a car or some big ticket item, and it doesn’t matter if you buy the best of brands, the highest of models.
00:00:43.472 – 00:00:52.192
Something will eventually run out, run slower, need maintenance, go out of fashion, or just become obsolete in some way.
00:00:55.152 – 00:01:01.492
Even the things that we hold dearest and the things we protect the most can be taken away or damaged by others.
00:01:01.492 – 00:01:07.552
Or in the case of experiences, the most lavish vacation, let’s say, will eventually come to an end.
00:01:07.552 – 00:01:15.132
Even when we have the means to extend an experience, it loses its novelty and we can’t hang on to that initial feeling.
00:01:15.132 – 00:01:18.032
It’s like trying to grasp water in your hand.
00:01:21.552 – 00:01:29.852
But there are a couple of things that are about as close as we can possibly get to having control over something.
00:01:29.852 – 00:01:35.472
And how you use them can mean the difference between a more fulfilled life or an unhappy one.
00:01:38.672 – 00:01:43.372
These two things are your time and your attention.
00:01:48.252 – 00:01:49.952
Let me explain what I mean by each of these.
00:01:59.212 – 00:02:02.592
By time, I mean the immediate present.
00:02:02.592 – 00:02:05.712
I don’t mean the idea of the past or the future.
00:02:05.712 – 00:02:11.612
After all, the past is nothing more than data, memory stored in the computer, that is our brain.
00:02:11.612 – 00:02:20.752
And the future is an abstract idea that we can make our best prediction about, but can never truly know it’ll play out exactly as we’ve envisioned and planned.
00:02:20.752 – 00:02:23.932
You know, 2020, anyone?
00:02:23.932 – 00:02:30.572
By attention, I mean what you’re focusing on in the present time.
00:02:30.572 – 00:02:35.552
What your mind is actually processing and computing right now.
00:02:36.872 – 00:02:44.172
Charles Caleb Colton, a writer, said, The present time has one advantage over every other.
00:02:44.172 – 00:02:45.052
It is our own.
00:02:50.593 – 00:02:56.593
As you can probably deduce by now, time and attention go hand in hand in most cases.
00:02:58.513 – 00:03:05.953
Although sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking we’re actually focused on one thing that we’re spending time on when we’re actually not.
00:03:11.813 – 00:03:13.633
Have you ever driven distracted?
00:03:14.853 – 00:03:21.433
Distracted by your phone or the things you’re listening to in your car, or maybe by the conversation you’re having with someone in the car?
00:03:23.493 – 00:03:35.113
Have you noticed that you lose complete notion of the distance that you’ve traveled, and then when your attention finally returns to the actual act of driving, you realize how long you’ve gone without being truly aware of the road?
00:03:36.913 – 00:03:44.113
In those moments you might say you’ve been driving your vehicle, but is that what you were actually focused on?
00:03:44.113 – 00:03:51.273
If something unexpected crossed your path during that stretch of time that your mind was more focused on something else, what could have happened?
00:03:51.273 – 00:03:57.873
Those shifts in focus on the road have cost many people their lives or the lives of others.
00:03:57.873 – 00:04:04.093
So there’s a story we tell ourselves about how we’re using our time, and then there’s the reality.
00:04:10.070 – 00:04:15.050
That reality is what I’d like you to think a little bit deeper about, right now.
00:04:18.550 – 00:04:25.450
Imagine for a second that your time and your attention are a type of currency that we each possess.
00:04:25.450 – 00:04:30.670
And we’re actively giving those riches away to something or someone.
00:04:30.670 – 00:04:37.470
And once we give it, we can’t take it back, no matter what Doc Brown and Marty McFly taught us back in the 80s.
00:04:38.850 – 00:04:48.090
Once your time and your attention have been given, they’re gone, archived, like so many memories in our mind or the minds of others.
00:04:48.090 – 00:04:52.910
So how are you actively spending these two things?
00:04:52.910 – 00:05:01.170
Do the activities, things, and people you spend your time and attention on make you feel like you’re making an investment?
00:05:01.170 – 00:05:14.030
And I don’t mean that in a selfish way, like you need to get something in return for the time you’ve given to something or someone, but rather is it resulting in something positive and worthwhile for you or for someone else?
00:05:14.030 – 00:05:18.810
Even if it’s some form of entertainment, is it adding to your existence or someone else’s?
00:05:18.810 – 00:05:22.430
Are you learning something from the time and attention you’ve given away?
00:05:22.430 – 00:05:23.750
Did you grow as a result?
00:05:23.750 – 00:05:25.030
Are you happier?
00:05:26.330 – 00:05:29.410
Was a relationship strengthened or nurtured?
00:05:29.410 – 00:05:30.850
Was someone’s need met?
00:05:30.850 – 00:05:31.810
Did anything come of it?
00:05:33.370 – 00:05:42.610
And, I want to be clear, I’m not advocating that you need to be consistently wired or doing something with a profound purpose in mind all the time.
00:05:42.610 – 00:05:50.810
But if the majority of what you surrender your time and attention to is giving you nothing in return, you may want to rethink that investment.
00:05:53.430 – 00:05:55.250
I mean, go have fun.
00:05:55.250 – 00:05:56.910
Enjoy yourself.
00:05:56.910 – 00:06:00.090
Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
00:06:00.810 – 00:06:10.530
Enjoy this world and what it has to offer, but make sure to balance out the times of empty distraction and entertainment with something that feeds your mind and soul.
00:06:14.230 – 00:06:26.130
If you’ve got an ideal social life, but still feel a void when you lay your head down at night, make inventory of what you’ve been giving away your time and attention to, and maybe do some course correction.
00:06:27.470 – 00:06:41.910
Leisure can only take you so far when it comes to deep satisfaction, and you’ll be surprised how much it can add to your sense of satisfaction in life to feed your inner self after long seasons of neglecting it.
00:06:41.910 – 00:06:44.830
Let’s talk about things, objects, possessions.
00:06:44.830 – 00:06:54.550
I’ve embraced a more minimalistic take on the stuff that I own in recent years, and it was a relief to get rid of much of that stuff that I possessed but never really used.
00:06:55.510 – 00:07:03.450
It allowed me to only invest my money and effort in acquiring things that I actually use and that add value to my life.
00:07:05.690 – 00:07:19.290
So, you know, it’s not a matter of not owning things, but the key thing here is that if any of those things we acquire ever start to dominate our time, it’s time to reevaluate our investment in them.
00:07:32.285 – 00:07:38.205
There’s this verse in the Christian Bible from the Apostle Paul that always spoke to me a lot.
00:07:39.865 – 00:07:43.705
It’s in the book of 1st Corinthians, chapter 6, verse 12.
00:07:43.705 – 00:07:49.245
It says, All things are lawful to me, but not all things are helpful.
00:07:49.245 – 00:07:54.405
All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything.
00:07:55.605 – 00:08:03.345
Now, there’s a broader point that the Apostle Paul is trying to make in that chapter regarding Jewish law and the Christian faith.
00:08:03.345 – 00:08:08.045
But the spirit of that particular verse specifically is a very powerful one.
00:08:08.045 – 00:08:13.625
Do anything, but know that not all things are helping you or adding to your life.
00:08:13.625 – 00:08:17.885
You can do anything, but make sure that nothing that you’re doing is dominating you.
00:08:17.885 – 00:08:20.845
Instead, have it be the other way around.
00:08:23.365 – 00:08:26.025
And then there’s the people in our lives.
00:08:26.045 – 00:08:27.965
And this one’s a bit tricky, right?
00:08:30.325 – 00:08:40.465
Many people live their lives with an almost subconscious idea that there are some people that they just have to give their time and attention to.
00:08:40.465 – 00:08:51.845
It could be because they’re family, and if they’re family, well, you’ve got to put up with them no matter how mentally numb and emotionally exhausted you walk away from each encounter with them.
00:08:53.125 – 00:08:58.245
But do you really have to give them your precious time and attention?
00:09:04.912 – 00:09:14.292
And even if circumstances don’t allow you to be apart from that toxic individual, do you have to engage with them when they try to engage with you?
00:09:14.292 – 00:09:17.792
The answer to most of these scenarios is…
00:09:17.792 – 00:09:19.232
No.
00:09:19.232 – 00:09:25.352
The truth is that toxic family relationships are one of the biggest traps human beings fall into.
00:09:25.352 – 00:09:30.492
Blood ties seem to supersede individual well-being in some cases.
00:09:32.352 – 00:09:34.472
And that’s simply not right.
00:09:38.232 – 00:09:41.492
Try these three steps when you can.
00:09:45.152 – 00:09:53.812
First, make a written or at the very least a mental inventory of what you spend your time and attention on any given day.
00:09:56.372 – 00:10:00.152
Break it down by the 24 hours in the day if you need to.
00:10:03.032 – 00:10:04.892
How much time is spent sleeping?
00:10:04.892 – 00:10:06.152
How much working?
00:10:06.152 – 00:10:07.472
How much being entertained?
00:10:07.472 – 00:10:08.452
How much learning?
00:10:08.452 – 00:10:10.092
How much feeding your soul?
00:10:10.092 – 00:10:13.012
How much on the people you care about?
00:10:13.012 – 00:10:15.252
How much on a hobby or pastime?
00:10:15.252 – 00:10:17.332
How much helping others?
00:10:19.432 – 00:10:30.052
Second, evaluate if when you’re seemingly giving your time to that activity, thing or person, you’re actually giving your attention as well.
00:10:32.772 – 00:10:37.972
You might be fooling yourself on this point and not getting the most out of that time.
00:10:39.952 – 00:10:45.412
Third, evaluate if you should cut back or cut out something from that list.
00:10:45.412 – 00:10:48.412
Think about any toxic activities or people.
00:10:48.412 – 00:10:50.832
These should be the first things to re-evaluate.
00:10:53.232 – 00:10:58.012
Think also of what you own that adds absolutely nothing to your life.
00:11:00.552 – 00:11:03.152
Re-evaluate.
00:11:03.152 – 00:11:07.452
Question.
00:11:07.452 – 00:11:18.572
You’d be surprised by the tremendous difference it can make to shed activities, things, and people that add nothing but negativity to your existence.
00:11:28.052 – 00:11:38.852
Make sure you’re exchanging your time and attention for something that will result in growth, peace, joy, prosperity, happiness, better relationships.
00:11:41.232 – 00:11:45.532
Protect your time and attention, friends.
00:11:45.532 – 00:11:47.932
Value them.
00:11:47.932 – 00:11:52.192
Remember, once you give them, you can’t take them back.
00:11:52.212 – 00:11:58.372
And, perhaps the most important thing, they are not infinite.
00:11:58.372 – 00:12:05.832
They’re a finite resource, because our time on this earth is finite.
00:12:09.152 – 00:12:11.612
And that shouldn’t be a depressing thought.
00:12:11.612 – 00:12:16.812
That should just make these two resources that much more valuable to you.
00:12:19.432 – 00:12:25.092
You can start with at least one change, then a second, then a third.
00:12:26.192 – 00:12:37.892
It’ll be worth the effort, because your time and your attention are the only two things that are really, truly yours.
00:12:37.892 – 00:12:41.612
Let me know how that goes, and let me know what you think.
00:12:41.612 – 00:12:46.232
You can write me at contactamusing at gmail.com.
00:12:47.432 – 00:12:50.332
Subscribe or follow so you don’t miss the next episode.
00:12:50.592 – 00:12:55.332
And please, share this message with someone who needs to hear it.
00:12:58.852 – 00:13:07.772
You can find this podcast on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, and anywhere else you can find podcasts.
00:13:09.952 – 00:13:11.392
I’ll catch you in the next episode, friends.